7 Widespread Myths About Introverts, Debunked
No, we’re not shy. We just don’t like you (just kidding — sort of).
When I asked my mom what the most common assumptions people make about introverts are, do you know what the first thing she said was (after “hmmm”)?
“They hate people.”
And my sister added this extremely unique gem: “They’re anti-social.”
Being an introvert, I object to this type of misrepresentation. I mean, what are we, grouchy cavemen who cross the street to avoid people?
(Okay, let me rephrase that: Are we grouchy cavemen who cross the street to avoid people all the time?)
No. We can be civil — at least, with the right incentives. But you’d never know it, from how society looks down its collective nose at us for not being the life of the party.
Honestly, when was the last time you read an article that challenged and debunked common misconceptions about introverts?
Maybe never. I definitely haven’t. Because who even knows there are misconceptions about introverts in the first place if no one talks about them? That’s why I’m here. Grab some coffee and let’s get into it.
Myth #1: We’re shy.
I don’t know who’s behind this myth. But I suspect it was some vengeful extrovert who once encountered an introvert who politely declined to dance barefoot on the bar at 2 am — and automatically assumed anyone who declined such an invitation deserved any myth that arose from their perfectly normal behavior.
How unfair is that? If I had the chance, I’d give that person a good talking to. Why? Because this myth — being, after all, a myth — is false.
Are we reserved? Yes.
Are we judgmental? Without a doubt.
Are we stuck-up pricks? Of course, we are.
But we are not shy. So put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Myth #2: We don’t like being sociable.
Okay, buckle up, because this one is going to shock you to your core: A lot of introverts (myself included) actually enjoy socializing. It’s not something we run from, and it’s not something we dread. I went to a lot of loud, obnoxious parties in college, and I enjoyed all of them.
But this is the important thing a lot of people don’t understand about introverts:
Too much socializing drains us faster than your phone battery at ten percent.
We struggle to find the energy to stay in crowded, noisy places full of people we don’t really know (or, let’s face it, care about) for very long.
Now, we’re happy to go to a party for a few hours and say hi to your latest trophy wife and drink overpriced champagne at your expense, but don’t ask us to do it all over again the next day. After an evening out, I find I need a day off to do something quiet that doesn’t involve crowds of people.
Myth #3: We’re boring.
I’ve met a lot of introverts in my life, and I don’t remember ever meeting one who was boring because they were introverted.
Are we harder to get to know?
Probably. That’s because we tend to not over-share information with people we’ve just met — we generally don’t go on and on about our latest vacation or about how annoying our co-worker, Patricia, is.
Here’s the thing: While extroverts recharge by throwing wild parties and dancing on tables, we recharge by sitting in a quiet corner of the library and silently judging your choice of socks.
We don’t need a lot of activity all day to feel energized — quite the opposite. We need peace and quiet so that, when it’s time to mingle with actual people, we can show off our highly developed social skills. Otherwise, we get cranky and want to go home early (which is probably where the boring label comes from).
Myth #4: We don’t have friends.
Introverts do have friends. But I think here’s a key difference between us and extroverts: We prefer having a few friends we know really well than fifty ‘friends’ who disappear the minute they find out they’re not going to inherit a cent from us after we die.
Seriously.
We don’t generally like superficial people or conversations. We prefer talking about deep subjects with deep people (who, preferably, have deep pockets).
Wait, what? No, forget the last part.
Myth #5: We don’t know how to have fun.
Here’s another key difference between extroverts and introverts, in my experience: Our definitions of ‘fun’ vary — a lot.
To me, having fun can include going to a party, but after a few hours, I lose interest because you guessed it: I lose energy from all the noise and activity.
But the opposite is true if I go for a walk in nature with a pile of books — I can happily spend hours on my own without anyone else and really enjoy myself without getting tired or bored.
Myth #6: We have social anxiety.
Do some introverts have social anxiety? Probably. But introverts as a whole? If my experience is any indicator, definitely not.
As I’ve said, being in crowds of people for too long zaps our energy. But I think most of us don’t have any anxiety about meeting new people — I, for one, really enjoy it.
With that said, one-on-one conversations tend to be where we shine because we can express ourselves without getting constantly interrupted.
We also tend to prefer listening to others instead of talking ourselves, and we’re typically more comfortable writing our thoughts down than speaking them.
Myth #7: We love nothing better than to be alone.
I used to think I loved being alone — at least, until the time I actually spent two full days completely alone.
It was miserable.
I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things and had never been happier to see strangers (yes, even the creepy guy who stared at me in the produce section).
I think this is probably one of the biggest misconceptions about introverts: People assume we love being alone all the time.
It’s false.
We need human interaction just like anyone else does. If we spend too much time alone, we start talking to our cat about the state of civilization and muttering under our breath about how expensive gas has gotten.
We need friends and outings and adventures to get us out of our shells sometimes, even if we like being alone for short periods too. It’s all about balance.
Final thoughts
So there you have it. Hopefully, you learned a thing or two about introverts, and, by some miracle, our terrible reputation for being sad, pathetic losers will be salvaged. (On second thought, that seems unlikely.)
There’s no doubt that today’s world of noise and crowds and hustle and bustle and group activities was not designed with introverts in mind — which is odd because introverts make up a large percentage of the population and always have. Hopefully, articles like this one will help separate fact from fiction and help us all get along and understand each other better.
If you need me, you know where to find me: In the library, silently judging people’s socks. Have fun at your wild party.