What Finishing Two Degrees During a Pandemic Taught Me About Life
Disappointment is an opportunity to count your blessings.
A few weeks ago, I checked my college email and found out that my final business project had been accepted. For the second time since 2020, I had become an alumna.
It didn’t feel like it, though.
As I sat in the living room with my MacBook propped up on my lap, staring at the screen, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of emotion and nostalgia sweep over me.
I think the hardest thing for me — and many others in my shoes — is this: when I started college as a bright-eyed, clueless seventeen-year-old, I would never in a million years have thought that this would be how such a pivotal time in my life would end.
I would never have dreamed that — due to a global pandemic — I wouldn’t get to walk across a stage in the presence of my family, friends, and teachers for either one of my degrees and celebrate this milestone with them.
For me, as for all 2020 and most 2021 grads, there will be no live ceremony, no caps and gowns, no hugs, and no reunions.
I already knew it would be hard to adjust to the end of college, but Covid has just compounded any disorientation and apprehension I imagine grads have always felt after leaving school.
I’m finding it hard to let go of disappointment: the feeling that Covid stole something from me — and from all grads — that can’t be returned. I’m having trouble turning the page, adapting to being a graduate without the feeling of completion I might have gotten from having a graduation ceremony.
Getting an email stating that I finished college isn’t quite the same. Every time I watch a movie that takes place at a college now, a wistful longing comes over me to do it all over again — but this time, to learn in a physical classroom surrounded by fellow students, faculty, and an environment better suited to study than my bedroom or the end of the dining room table.
Of course, the past is the past, and I can’t change it. I have to move forward and accept that disappointment is part of life.
So what have I learned from finishing college during a pandemic?
Many things, actually.
For one — and I don’t want to minimize this — I’m extremely fortunate that I was able to go to college in the first place. I’ve always known that, but Covid has made me even more aware. Many highly intelligent, determined, and hardworking students don’t ever get the opportunities I had.
I might not have gotten to walk across a stage, but I still have my degrees, and that’s something I can never take for granted. I might not have gotten to spend as much time on a physical campus as I would have liked, but I certainly learned a lot from having to stay organized and complete exams and written assignments in a house full of noisy family members.
At the end of the day, my college experience had many ups and downs that I didn’t expect or plan for. I had happy days and stressful days, classes that made me question my abilities, and classes that eventually showed me what I’m capable of.
Just like life, it was a wild ride. Did I plan it this way? Clearly not. But this experience of graduating twice during a pandemic is teaching me that even in times of unpredictability, cancelations, and Zoom calls, we can all still decide for ourselves how we want to respond. We can wallow in disappointment, or we can look for the silver lining.
I’m not about to pretend it’s easy to do, in general, because it’s not. These are not easy times, and even optimists like me can (and do) struggle to accept the unique and often unforeseen challenges this pandemic has brought.
Of course, in light of everything that has happened since early 2020, I freely admit that it seems ridiculous for me to talk about missed graduation ceremonies. It’s hardly the end of the world, even if it is strange.
Ultimately, I didn’t go to college to walk across a stage and receive my diploma. I didn’t go to college for outside validation but because I wanted to study interesting things and meet great people. And I have. And I’m so grateful for that.
The fact that I got my diploma in the mail, like the first, doesn’t change its value. The fact that I had a lot more online classes than I thought I would doesn’t change the fact that I learned a lot — maybe more than I would have in a classroom full of hungover, sleep-deprived students.
I think the lesson, here, is that sometimes things just don’t turn out the way we planned them, but that doesn’t mean they can’t still turn out well. There will always be outside circumstances that impede our plans, but we can adapt and grow, regardless.
Looking back over my life, I’m glad certain things didn’t turn out as I once wanted them to. Even though not having a formal graduation ceremony still feels odd, I’m sure one day I’ll understand why things happened this way, and see how I grew because of it. I’m sure I’ll look back and be grateful for the varied college experiences I was fortunate enough to have.
But for now, I’m still going to dig through my older sister’s closet and see if I can find her old cap and gown.
Who knows? Maybe they’ll fit me, too.